I was one of the joyous kids in those early childhood. I spoke without judgement and doubts. I spoke my mind out and mean what i say. I have trusted people I met along my life and took everyone as same. As days morph into months and then years, I grew from being a innocent girl to confident women.
I have long left the expectation of giving and returning the sameness from others.
Today am one of the happiest introverts, watching the sun rise and day ending with beautiful sunset, walking in nature and seeking the truths of life, traveling around to explore the culture and people.
And the stage of adulthood being mostly about embracing the truth of heartbreaks, deception and facing the challenges of life.
Yeah and now am in college, and college friendship are even more complicated. Being in college we meet lots of temporary people, and most of them are fake people.
Before I used to share my secrets, personal stuffs about myself to my trusted people like everyone did. Trust and promises are meant to break and my secrets became a a source of gossip.
Being a underdog, i had to seek help from so called friends. But everyone joins you in high and feasting and when you needed the most, everyone turns down with a excuses. Then you felt you met the gentleman of your life, but gradually everything falls apart with time. But being a fragile heart of women, even with a small act of gentleness, we melt. After falling and being in relation, gradually everything falls apart.
After being exposed myself to constant wear and tear of my heart, your heart no longer can bear the pain. Therefore to protect from hurts it makes yourself stronger by not asking others for help. When you are constantly deceived and trust broken you stop trusting people to save yourself from another heartbreak. Your heart knows everything than the brain does and it seems true. Everything that seems good enough for you isn’t good at end.
And on the way to heartbreaks, I discovered that relation with self is the best relation to connect yourself to higher universe. I find it foolish when people expect others to love you when all the love and care is within self why to seek and search in others and break yourself.
Am so used to being silent that even seeing others talk makes me feel pity that someone is wasting their life simply talking and gossiping. I no longer share myself that i find it useless to let others know about my life. Today am one of the happiest introverts spending all my time in rediscovering my strength and the setting the plots for my future. I Am happy for what I have become in the world where people have become cyber zombies and surfing all the peoples facts and perpespective and feeding their mind.
Now I am in the stage where I no longer share anything and it would be as good as digging a gold to know me. . I spent 24 hours being alone and still i find myself running out of time. Now I hate gaining attention and going to public gathering. I hate gossips and hangouts with people.
I have connected to my deeper self and awaken all my heart and soul for the purposeful living. I have devoted all my love and care to regenerate lost times and health.. I have found so much peace and comfort in myself now. I have fallen over myself, over and over again and I found myself so lost in my own life and dreams…
Gaki Personal Blog 